The wild popularity of the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy has fueled the curiosity of those who want to try some of the steamy sex scenes. You might be one of those individuals but aren’t sure what it is or how to get started.
For starters, BDSM refers to a combination of three phrases, “Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism”. It is not about pain and pleasure. It is more about sensation play and power dynamics. Someone has all the control and his or her partner has none. The key to successful and satisfying BDSM is to balance it so that each attains a great deal of pleasure from the experience in their respective roles.
Getting started does not require going out and buying a blindfold and riding crop. Those may be fun later, but to get started, here’s what you need to know.
- Know your desires. There are no wrong or right yearnings. Just be sure to keep fantasy and reality separate.
- Know what you will and won’t do. These are often referred to as hard and soft limits. Hard limits are what you are not okay with under any circumstances, soft limits are those actions that make you nervous, and then there is everything else.
- Discuss boundaries with your partner. He or she needs to know those limits and you need to know theirs. BDSM is first and foremost about trust. Always stay within the limits.
- Communicate. BDSM is not a mind-reading sport. Talk about the scene ahead of time. Be open to your partner’s desires and limits and do not be afraid to speak yours. Set the safe words as well – one for “slow down” and one for “full stop”.
- Try one thing at a time, take it slow. Once you and your partner decide what you are going to do, stay within the scene. If something strikes you as desirable, save it for the next experience. Refer to number three above.
- Check in later. Once the experience is complete, check in with your partner. It may be okay right afterwards or a few hours later but be sure to make contact no later than the next day. Discuss what worked, what didn’t, and what you might want to try next time.
Exploring BDSM is a long-term journey. The more you know, the more comfortable you are along the way. You can read books, attend conferences or watch it in action. Things often look more intense than they feel. Investigation can yield pleasurable results for everyone.
Jamie Dornan is taking on the role of Christian Grey in the upcoming Fifty Shades of Grey movie, due out Valentine’s Day 2015. For the readers of the infamous trilogy by E.L. James, there are not many secrets left to Mr. Grey. His Anastasia has laid them bare. But what about Jamie Dornan? What shades of Dornan are there that you may not know?
- Jamie is Irish. That may not come through in the 50 Shades trailer because he has that American accent down pat. Yet maybe it does in those brooding eyes.
- Jamie doesn’t like his physique. What? Has he seen himself in the trailer? But according to him, he was a skinny kid growing up and he still feels like a skinny kid now.
- Jamie’s grand-aunt is Greer Garson. Part of Hollywood royalty, Greer Garson shares the record for consecutive Academy Award nominations with Bette Davis (5) with a total of 7 nominations and one win for Mrs. Miniver. That is a serious pedigree.
- Jamie played rugby for the Belfast Harlequins in the All-Ireland league. For those that don’t know, rugby is NFL football without the pads, hard-hitting and rough. He gets really angry when Ireland loses.
- Jamie can sing. That’s right, he was in a band. He founded the Sons of Jim with friend David Alexander. They played folk rock and once went on tour with KT Tunstall of Black Horse and A Cherry Tree fame.
- Jamie is a ladies man. Or at least was before he got married. He has dated Kiera Knightley and is rumored to have dated Kate Moss, Lindsay Lohan and Sienna Miller as well.
- Jamie is married. Yes, he is. To Amelia Warner, also an actress and a singer-songwriter. They have a child, a little girl with a mystery name. To date, the parents have not released it.
- Jamie has to think about walking. He has been told he has a funny walk so he thinks about how much toe is in his walk when he walks.
- Jamie was a model. A very successful one. He modeled for Calvin Klein, Dior and Armani. They would ask him to do some body work before a shoot. He’d say, “Yeah, I’m going to the gym” but in his own words, “I literally never did anything.”
- Jamie is a serial killer. At least he plays one on TV. As Phil Spector from the BBC series The Fall he hunts and kills innocent women. The series has been picked up for another season and he is back to filming after concluding his media tour for 50 Shades of Grey.
Only forty more shades to go.
Christian Grey made an impression on millions of women all around the world. Each of them is craving more of a sexy control freak millionaire and his innocent girl conquest. Fan fiction begets fan fiction. Here are five more stories, either single books or series, which will satisfy the yearning for sexy, steamy reads.
- Bared to You (Book One of the Crossfire Series) by Sylvia Day. Gideon Cross is the brilliant billionaire and Eva the young woman caught up in their mutual desire. Both main characters have a bit of a dark past, a jealous streak and think this relationship might be the fix. The control is in the sex but not by contract, making this an emotionally charged read on many levels.
- Gabriel’s Inferno (Book One of the Gabriel’s Inferno Trilogy) by Sylvian Reynard. In this series, the millionaire is a professor and the student is, well, still a student, but his actual graduate student. Tortured pasts, intriguing attraction and passion abounds in this series about a man moving from his own hell to love and forgiveness.
- The Sleeping Beauty Trilogy by A.N. Roquelaure. The author is otherwise known as Anne Rice. This series is considered the beginning of the erotic literature revolution and focuses completely on the dominant and submissive aspects that are a central story point in 50 Shades of Grey. A spellbinding weave of fairy tale, pain and pleasure, if 50 was just about the sex for the reader, the first book of the series, The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty, will not disappoint.
- Release Me (Book One of the Stark Trilogy) by J. Kenner. Nikki Fairchild is focused on her career and Damien Stark is focused on having Nikki. The characters are well-defined, truly work at building a relationship over a few days and the sex will have the reader wiggling uncomfortably while indulging in public.
- Taken (Book One of the Give & Take Series) by Kelli Maine. It has all the elements of 50 – hot millionaire, innocent girl, control and hot steamy sex. It is uniquely written in the second person viewpoint of the heroine, Rachel, about the millionaire, Merrick. Hot sex, trust issues, evolving characters and sultry settings make this a perfect add to the list.
What to read after Fifty Shades of Grey can be hard to find and even harder to put down.
Who knew the progeny of an ambitious Working Girl and hard-nosed Miami Vice detective would someday be the innocent literary student who chases the dawn with the handsome and kinky millionaire?
Born in Austin, Texas to Academy-award nominated actress Melanie Griffith and Golden Globe-winning actor Don Johnson, Dakota is a third-generation actress (grandmother is Tippi Hedron). She began modeling while still in school and attended schools in Colorado and California. In 2006, she became the first second-generation Miss Golden Globe – an honor bestowed on the children of actors and is seen as a “coming out” display for the industry.
After graduating high school, she pursued her acting career. Her first box office hit was a role in The Social Network about how Facebook began and was an Oscar Best Picture nominee in 2010. Roles in Beastly, Theo and For Ellen followed.
2012 was a banner year with roles in Goats, The Five Year Engagement and 21 Jump Street. Her television debut as “Kate” in Ben and Kate occurred in the fall of that year, lasting one season on the Fox network. Then news of her casting as Anastasia Steele broke, and the world has been Dakota Johnson-watching ever since.
Fun facts about Dakota Johnson, aka Anastasia Steele, include:
- Her stepdad is Antonia Banderas, who is no stranger to some steamy movie roles himself.
- Her aunt Tracy Griffith was a guest star on the television series 21 Jump Street that spawned the movie remake Dakota had a role in with Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill.
- She first acted in 1999 in a movie called Crazy in Alabama with her step-sister. Her parents didn’t let her act again until after high school.
- She took down her Facebook profile because she didn’t like being on it.
- She thinks being an English major is kinda boring.
Despite being a boring English literature major, Ana has a sincere complexity and innocent heat that sets off the smoldering Mr. Grey. So far, the flames turning up on Dakota’s career with 50 Shades of Grey could set off the rest of her career.